you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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