He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
