he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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