For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
