READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
