I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
