you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I supernannyed him into submission
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
