Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
