apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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