Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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