I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
