he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
