I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
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