who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
