now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
