Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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