Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
