Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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