oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
