I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
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