ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
