apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
