i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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