i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You were trust falling into bushes
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
