I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
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