just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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