this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Rumble strips road head = magical
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
