You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
