He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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