The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
