Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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