I just pynch a tree in the face
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
