the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Damn victory sex feels great
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
