I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
