Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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