i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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