someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
