you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
