Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
