all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
