literally had 100 drinks last night.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
