garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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