I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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