is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
