I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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