party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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