So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
