I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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