i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
