I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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