oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
