he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
