Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
